Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Truth Is

Let me just tell you
my life isn't perfect.
and I'm not either.
not even close.

I have bad days, clumsy awkward moments, stressful weeks, and more flaws than I care to count.

When blogging, I sometimes seem to sugar-coat my life. I leave out the difficult times, the ugly truths. Because a little voice inside of me is saying,
no, no, don't post that. no one wants to hear about your problems, your weaknesses. 

But you know what, some days, weeks, months, are hard. There are days when I feel like every little thing is going wrong, turning upside down.
Like last week for example. I ruined my favorite shirt, hurt my foot, Fell up the stairs (now that takes serious skill), my room flooded a little, and I hurt my back when I fell out of a hammock (knocked the wind out of me).
Not that any of those things are incredibly life threatening, but it's just stuff that can make a day, a week go badly. 

I love what one of my favorite bloggers, Hannah Nicole said about this issue,
"It's easier to slap on a smile, put up a pretty photo, write a few words, and be done. Easy to blog a session or write about what is good, instead of what is hard. Easy to put on a face and skim the surface instead of being real and honest and raw. Easy to make it seem like my life is less than messy, more like a picture perfect magazine rather than being filled with grittiness and real things like staying up too late working and getting behind on deadlines and being insecure."

That quote is just so true, too true I'm afraid.

Goodness. We wear so many masks. Piling them atop our faces covering up our feelings, our true hopes and dreams. One facade after another. And before we know it, we no longer see or know who we really are. Who we were. Suffocating in the trap we created for ourselves. 

I'm going to do a "truth is" thingamajig with actual truth in it.
Sometimes the truth isn't pretty, but that doesn't mean it doesn't need to be shared, to be heard.

Truth is,
There are some days and weeks where I forget to read my bible, even pray.
I secretly compare myself to others.
I'm dreadfully afraid of what the future holds. The unknown is scary to me.
I don't have as many friends as you might think. I have a few friends (more like acquaintances) but I've never found a true best friend, a kindred spirit.
I hate watching the news because with every sad story they talk about, every death, I carry it all on
my shoulders, and it never leaves my mind.
I never feel like my drawings, paintings, and blog deigns are quite right. Never good enough.
I haven't been reading, writing, and commenting as much as I used to.
Sometimes I eat because it's comforting, not because I'm hungry.
I'm incredibly nervous to start my own business.
I'm so good at being fake that it scares me.
I'm sensitive. Even though I never try to show it. Mean words cut deeper than they ever should for me and their ache lingers on and on.

It's not like any of those truths are what people think are horribly bad, but they are my weakness and places I need to work on, to let God work on.

Now, my friends, I challenge you to be more truthful when you post. To share lives beautiful moments and the more difficult ones. Instead of pretending like everything's okay, let's lean on each other as friends do. Let's share our struggles, our fears and help each other through. I challenge you to be honest, to be raw, to be brave. I dare you to be you. Will you join me?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Recently 02

Recently I've been...
reading...Deenie by Judy Blume.

listening...to Moriah Peters. SHE IS AMAZING. "You Carry Me" is just the song I needed to hear.<3

watching...Tinkerbell and the Legend of the NeverBeast with my family. It was actually really good. My little sisters were in tears by the end of the movie (even though it had a good ending it was a heartfelt tear-jerker). *sniffle*

eating...popcorn, popcorn, and a bit more popcorn. ;)

remembering...how different things were last spring compared to this one.

awaiting...the result of my business. I'm so excited to have it up and running. There are a few families who are interested in getting portraits done so I'm really hoping everything works out. :)

learning...how to drive! I just got my learner's permit! After weeks and weeks of studying for the test I finally got the guts to go take the test to get . I'm so relieved to have it done and I'm excited (and a little frightened) to now legally learn how to drive. I've driven a little in empty parking lots with my dad last summer but I wasn't...well, very good at it. Hopefully I'll learn a lot about driving this year. Fingers crossed.

praying...that my foot will heal quickly. I played dodge ball (which I'm absolutely awful at) last night at my church, and I seemed to have bruised it without knowing how.

loving...these blogs:Samantha Heather, Words Passing You By, Down By the Willows, and Acacia Rachel.

doing...a lot of things at once. I found out my room (that happens to be in the basement) flooded a little at the corner of it. So now some of my carpet and the lower part of my wall is mildewed. Whoopie. ;( So I'm currently spraying bleach on my walls and carpets, jamming out to music, cleaning my closet, and going through clothes to get rid of. I don't know why but once I start cleaning..I can't seem to stop. Now I'm so worn out and my room is an unforgivable mess. Good times, good times.

writing...scrambled up words that I have no idea what to do with.

anticipating...our family cookout tomorrow. I'm ready for some relaxation.

wondering...why in the world I put bleach in the washing machine when I was doing my laundry. Ruined my all-time favorite blouse I got this week. :P

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

When Lucky and Lenny Came to Visit

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day! I don't know if this happened to you (probably not ;)), but a some "leprechauns" visited our house yesterday morning. ;) I believe their names were Lucky and Lenny and they were such mischievous little ones. They left a trail of skittles to show where they had been. As we followed the trail we saw that they had been coloring with all the green crayons, reading "Green Eggs and Ham", playing board games, and eventually had fallen asleep in a doll bed where we found two little leprechaun hats and chocolate coins for us all. My little sisters loovvved it.

We also had some yummy Irish themed food for supper. Cooked cabbage, boiled potatoes, and corn beef gravy on toast or biscuits. For dessert we had some green cake(colored by food coloring) with chocolate frosting. 

St. Patrick's Day is actually one of my favorite holidays. I own like three shirts and two sweatshirts  (all of which are green) that say "Ireland" on them so I never have any trouble finding clothes to wear for this particular holiday. Ireland has always been a country I've dreamed of going to. My great grandmother's mom came from Ireland when she was little, so I guess you could say I have a little Irish in me. ;)