Sunday, October 28, 2018

Hello 20

Life has been a heavy breeze that I have been uplifted by willingly.
Things are changing, and I am learning to let go and hold on all at once. I am twenty years old today. I have been alive for two decades. How odd it feels to no longer have the word "teen" in my age! I am still a child in some ways, I cling to innocence like feathered leaves upon loose pavement yet my soul is an old gray being with lines for skin. Despite this contradiction, I have become something quite in between. Something I'm still growing into.  It feels new and unsteady, but it excites me. I wear independence like braided flowers in my hair. A reminder that I am alive, that I am striving. I am a woman who tries to cling to bravery instead of anxiety.
 I have realized that I am still growing, still learning how to simply be. And I am okay with that.  I never want to stop learning and growing into myself and untwining my capabilities that hide behind my fear.
I have been letting God lead me in my 19th year like never before instead of just standing still. He has placed opportunities in my path and has covered my insecurities with reassurance.  I have seen so much beauty in change as it ebbs its way into my soul that is still learning to accept the joys and fears that it encompasses.
 I used to hate that word, change because it meant saying goodbye to something. I am learning that goodbye only means hello to something new. Hello bursts with hope, it is a beginning that is full of possibilities. So I say hello to change, I let myself be spun by the wind as I unravel my burdens that keep me weighted down. I say hello to vulnerability, to heartache, to hope, as I am engulfed by a new age, a new year, that makes me shiver with faith. <3

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Recent Happenings

There is so much joy in my heart of late. 
I have completely soaked up this summer. Summer and I used to never get along. It was too hot and humid with far too many bugs. As for this summer, I have allowed myself to become close friends with the season I once detested. It's easier to like summer in the cool of a swimming pool or a lake so I have made an effort to visit both. Have you enjoyed your summer thus far?

I took a college public speaking course this summer and although public speaking is possibly one of my worst fears I passed with an A (thank goodness)! Just imagine frantically cutting up potatoes (that a group member was supposed to do the night before) 15 minutes after class has already started and doing all the work for a group speech... yep, that just about sums it up.

I've been going on some lovely driving adventures with my friends which consists of playing our favorite songs, singing at the top of our lungs, and enjoying the breeze of our opened windows. We've had our occasional late night drives when the roads are barren, and the air is hushed. This summer we've watched cheesy horror movies, had a campout, volunteered at a cat shelter, went to the fair, and tried out every restaurant in our town because food is obviously our lives.

My uncle's wife is expecting a boy! I am overjoyed to see such happiness and hope in their lives again. After so many prayers, after so much grief, God answered us. My sister has been home from college this summer so we have thoroughly enjoyed traveling downtown, sifting through old photographs at antique shops, and eating in a small vintage diner.

Preschool will be starting soon and honestly, I can hardly wait! I miss all my littles so very much and can't wait to decorate my classroom and meet my new students. I will be starting my early childhood education practicum which will allow me to complete my Associate's degree this fall. I'm excited to see how this new journey unfolds in my life.

Things are slowly falling into place, gently, just the way God planned them to. I feel whole, complete. I've been able to wield a sort of bravery in my life that I have never experienced even if it's just for minor things. After all, there is so much beauty when we can untangle ourselves from the fears that tie us down and simply live. And I have loved living with more joy in my life and less fear.

Do what brings you joy.
I encourage you to find joy in the little things even when life is overwhelming and stressful. I'm not really sure who reads this corner of the internet anymore since I've been a bit M.I.A. so if you stop by, don't hesitate to say hello and tell me how life has been treating you or what brings you joy.<3

Friday, April 27, 2018

Monochrome 04

A sister is a little bit of childhood
 that can never be lost.
– Marion C. Garretty

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

The Many Colors of Toxic: Blue 01

Like flower petals, he falls
Oh how he makes me blue.
I try to be his strength 
While on death he’ll always chew.
He’s like forget-me-nots
Whose soul can be the sky,
Laughing one minute
Until the waves reach the tide.
Then he is the broken man
As he drowns me in his tears,
Leaving me with the taste of salt
As it burns on my opened fears.
He tells me I’m his gardener
That without me, he’ll wilt
As I try to walk away from him
He pulls me back with guilt.
My fingers are stained with all
The blueberry mistakes that rot.
His ocean eyes are too unsteady
As he reminds me to forget-him-not.

I decided to create a poetry series that surrounds the subject of toxic relationships. Why? Honestly, I have no idea. I have created many of these color poems in one sitting and each poem explains a different aspect of a toxic relationship. I have not a clue where they came from but I know I need to share them with you. When you are in a relationship that is toxic it is difficult to see the warning signs. Perhaps he doesn't hit you, but he hurts you emotionally. Maybe he's really sweet but his jealousy frightens you. Perhaps he's a great guy, but his mental state is always negative. Poison hides effortlessly in relationships. It masks itself as anxiety and fear so you don't acknowledge the severity of its power. Perhaps this poem and the others I will share later will show girls the signs of a toxic relationship so that they can avoid it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

“It is spring again.The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.”

quote by Rainer Maria Rilke

I created a new playlist to celebrate spring. Listen away. ♡

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Things of Yesteryear 02

Hello! Yesterday I bought some intriguing old photographs at a few antique stores I visited. I have always marveled at the fact that every photograph has a story, an emotion, and a life all its own and to think that people would give up such precious treasures is beyond me. Some may find old photographs unsettling, creepy even, but I see so much beauty and history captured within their sepia tones. There's something so special about buying old photographs. It gives me a wonderful, deep feeling that I am preserving history, that I am preserving their untold stories. Now, I share them with you. <3

P.S. The last photograph is rather interesting. Before you take a look at the photos below I wanted the briefly describe the strangeness of the eerie last photograph. It looks like limbs of light are coming from the sky tangling near the roaming sheep. There even appears to be a name within the light that almost seems to say "Elina". How odd is that?!?

Which is your favorite?

Trapped                                                                                                Baby Bill

Girls in White & The Shadow Men

 The Foliage of a Girl

The Cat Lover

Me, Myself, and I

 Laken 1846                                                                             The Floating Infant

Light and Sheep

Monday, March 12, 2018

A Week of Peculiar Adventures

My sister came home from college for spring break which gave us some time to go adventuring together. We dressed up for no apparent reason last Saturday and I drove us to a quiet rivertown while listening to playlist after playlist. We ate at a local diner downtown where we wholeheartedly enjoyed our meals that were extremely fried and sipped on chocolate milkshakes. We went antiquing and saw a random man in one store walking a toy dog as it danced to the song "Tequila" sung by The Champs. It was a very random site to witness but my sister and I tried to (unsuccessfully) hold in our laughter. The man then declared to his wife that two dollars was far too pricey for such a dog and he walked away as if nothing had happened. The song "Tequila" will forever be a reminder of that dancing dog and the serious man. 

We then admired the gorgeous old houses and swore that if we both ended up being old maids, we would find a home in this serene downtown location. We decided to walk on a nearby sidewalk by the river and imagined it would be such a carefree, poetic thing to do. Little did we know that it had recently flooded in the area so sticky mud covered the walkway and the air had the foul odor of turtles and tea (if you can even imagine). Since we had our hearts set on a walk along the river, we continued on as we hopped and tiptoed over mud patches and admired the scenery...which was trees drowning in the river water. It looked a bit too depressing for our taste so we hopped back hoping to escape the lingering fishy smell in the air. It was an altogether odd and exhilarating experience but our adventuring did not end there.

If you thought it couldn't get any weirder, you are sadly mistaken, my friends. On Sunday my friends, sisters, and I dressed up as Narnia characters because it was Book Character Sunday at our church. I was Mr. Tumnus and loving it of course. Now, what would make this whole situation even odder? Well, we went to Taco Bell and the park...completely in costume. We got a couple of weird stares but we didn't mind because there's nothing better than eating tacos and attempting British accents at a park with fellow Narnians, right? 

On Friday we went to a movie theater to watch "A Wrinkle in Time". It was magical, and I may be slightly obsessed with the movie playlist now. My youngest sister, who was sitting by me, decided to put her Dachshund stuffed animal in the seat cup holder in the dark theater. I grabbed the dog accidentally because I thought it was my drink. My sister was alarmed of course and asked me what I was doing. I laughed for a full two minutes before I could explain that I thought her dog was my drink. Before you say, Eve what in the world is wrong with you? How could you have mistaken a stuffed animal for a cup of soda? Well, in my defense I had a rather long day. Earlier that day I had taken an exam that made me feel like literal death, had written a large paper, and was surviving on five hours of sleep. College has been all well and good I suppose. I wouldn't say it is something I enjoy though. Last week was midterm week which was exhausting and completely horrible. Luckily I made it through and I haven't lost my mind yet which is a plus I assume. I could go on and on about the stress of college but pondering on such things makes me feel like my life is "a perfect graveyard of buried hopes" as Anne would say.

On Saturday we went to a local event where they had a meal that consisted of a variety of meats which was ironic since I'm not a big fan of meat in general. I'd rather live off carbs for the rest of my life. I tagged along with my church to the event because the people in charge of the meal had not allowed women in previous years but had changed the rules this year. So I, of course, being the feminists I am, went to the event where I tried some very interesting types of meat. They had squirrel gravy which tasted good until I thought of the cute squirrels that were no longer living. It didn't make me feel any better when there was a large amount of squirrel hair in the gravy (which made it seem even more alive). Maybe I should be a vegetarian...

Anyway, enough about my crazy self. How are all you lovely people doing?