Sunday, October 28, 2018

Hello 20

Life has been a heavy breeze that I have been uplifted by willingly.
Things are changing, and I am learning to let go and hold on all at once. I am twenty years old today. I have been alive for two decades. How odd it feels to no longer have the word "teen" in my age! I am still a child in some ways, I cling to innocence like feathered leaves upon loose pavement yet my soul is an old gray being with lines for skin. Despite this contradiction, I have become something quite in between. Something I'm still growing into.  It feels new and unsteady, but it excites me. I wear independence like braided flowers in my hair. A reminder that I am alive, that I am striving. I am a woman who tries to cling to bravery instead of anxiety.
 I have realized that I am still growing, still learning how to simply be. And I am okay with that.  I never want to stop learning and growing into myself and untwining my capabilities that hide behind my fear.
I have been letting God lead me in my 19th year like never before instead of just standing still. He has placed opportunities in my path and has covered my insecurities with reassurance.  I have seen so much beauty in change as it ebbs its way into my soul that is still learning to accept the joys and fears that it encompasses.
 I used to hate that word, change because it meant saying goodbye to something. I am learning that goodbye only means hello to something new. Hello bursts with hope, it is a beginning that is full of possibilities. So I say hello to change, I let myself be spun by the wind as I unravel my burdens that keep me weighted down. I say hello to vulnerability, to heartache, to hope, as I am engulfed by a new age, a new year, that makes me shiver with faith. <3

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